03 March 2010

Indian Law required to protect children from emotionally and physically abusive parents.

Is it a postulate that mothers do no harm to their own children?

And tell this to your Indian friends that she does not see eye to eye with her mother 99% of the time on many issues, the daughter is known as an ungrateful brat. She has committed blasphemy. She is worse than Judas Iscariot who betrayed Jesus. Indian friends wants nothing to do with her, because not being pally with your mother is just not indian culture !

  • What do you call a mother who tries to seperate her adult daughter from their father?
  • What do you call a mother who taught her daughter it is safe to follow traditions, and follow "to do as you are told to do". Take instructions, but do not take initiative.
  • Because her daughter is not a doctor or an engineer,she is ashamed of her.
  • What do you call a mother who on the daughter's 10th birthday said to her,"You should have been born a son. Life would have been easier for your father."
  • What do you call a mother when she heard from elsewhere that her daughter was against dowry and fights the boys on the playground.She did not hesitate to abuse her every way possible.
  • Instead of celebrating the daughters 16th birthday - The mother kept a plate of food in front of her daughter and said,"Eat this,Eat my shit"
  • What do you call a mother who was ashamed of her daughter when she did a Masters much against her approval? And when she got an admission at IIT Bombay, she was against sending her to the hostel(dorm for my non indian readers) because she had heard from her brother-in-law about the freedom that girls and boys interact on campus at all times.
  • What do you call a mother who tried her best to stop her daughter who had got a job outside of the city that they called home,when the father intervened and allowed his daughter to go.
  • What do you call a mother, who wants the approval of her own siblings for her childrens life decisions(even after 38 years of marriage)than at least hear the opinions of her own children.
  • What do you call a mother who has successfully created a divide between siblings?
  • What do you call a mother, when she would not allow the children to speak alone with their own father? If they do,both the sides are cross-questioned endlessly seperately.
  • The mother enforced her food habits, culture, opinions on her children.Even to the extend that when the daughter said that she did not like gold (gold is a big part of indian culture)the mother told her daughter that she would have preferred keeping a dog than raising a daughter who does not adhere to cultural stereotypes.
  • The mother was known in her community as one who pretends to be meek,but behaved like a woman who freely used her whip at home.She was well known for her physical abuse to the extend that her daughter who felt helpless wanted to jump from a 5 storeyed building when she was 12, but chickened out.
  • Even after all this abuse, she could not protect her own child from being molested by a child predator at five.

The children would like to put a restraining order on the mother. But Indian Law still do not have such provisions. Who can help such children? And How can they help children from being abused by their own?


Uncommon Sense said...

Abosolutely agree with you, the law is one sided.. and i have always said that..

odzer said...

The problem is that Asian parents often think of their kids as their commodities and insurance for future life. If they had more social security they would probably not resort to such things because their insecurities to some extent would be taken care of. Anyway you are expecting the same people who behave this way to make this law?

BK Chowla, said...

I agree with you to a great extent.But, it is changing gradually especially in cities since girls are becoming more independent economically.

pink dogwood said...

This makes me so sad. Most of the people/family I know in India don't subscribe to these - but I know way too many do.


Vinod_Sharma said...

It is a sad reality that in a lot of cases it is the mother who is the abusive parent to a girl-child; perhaps that is due to conditioning, perhaps due to the extra effort she believes she has to put in 24/7 to protect her daughter, not realising the trauma she is putting the child through.

I agree, there is a need for a law to protect rights of a minor child too.

Smitha said...

It is heart-breaking to read all this, but what you say is true. We certainly need a law to protect children from abusive parents.

Anonymous said...

I know of many daughters who have been treated like this by their mothers. I agree that there should be a law to protect children from their own parents.

I think such mothers lack confidence in their own judgment and so they need the approval of their relatives.

I feel Supreme Court took a bold step when it clearly said that an adult girl could marry or live with anybody she liked. Imagine if adult children are not free, what happens to minor children?

Happy Kitten said...

Sad to see the this Mother who in her weakness has done so much harm to her daughter..
to make laws like those in US would not be easy since the Indian mindset is different.. but then I think some are forcing the government/law to intervene in such matters...

anrosh said...

chowlaji, for too many girls/women - the engine of "change" is turning tooooo slowly.

Anaka said...

Wow...Eat my shit??! That's traumatic! It sucks to be a girl child in many homes, to always feel like your parents have control and after that your husband or your sons. I wonder how much of this behaviour of mothers comes from resentment and hatred of their own lives. And I agree with "indianhomemaker" that perhaps they lack confidence so they keep looking to others for approval and decision-making.

corine said...

I call this mother 'maman'. Toxic mothers are in every countries. I agree with Anaka, I think it all starts with self-hatred.

shail said...

I an surprised you have no comments saying that its blasphemy, that Mother is a Goddess and never does this to her children, even daughters, because when I wrote a fraction of this in one of my old posts that is what I was told. :)

Phoenixritu said...

Certain mothers are in fact completely horrible. They see their children as puppets, and these puppets serve as fodder for their ego

Check this link please


Mandooka said...

This is the first time I am commenting here. I know this is an old post but still I would like to leave a comment. As long as we Desis, both in and out of Desh, decide to live with blinkered eyes and stop boasting to the whole world that "such things don't happen in India", only then can we bringing about any laws to that effect.
But try telling anything to a Desi about Narcissist mothers and and they will start baying for your blood, because talking anything negative about your Maa is sacrilege. Some even vehemently defend such mothers saying that she was cursing and abusing you 'all for your good only'! But tell me, how can something be good if it leaves permanent scars deep into adulthood.

anrosh said...

Thanks Mandooka . Old or new post , everybody would like to hear what you have to say.

Therapy/some way of throwing it out of your system in constructive ways helps to remove scars.

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